I’ve been away to say goodbye to my mom. She passed quietly on January 4, 2012. I was rushing to try and get back home. To find a set of flights that wouldn’t take forever. Unfortunately, living in small-town America, I have to take two flights. I didn’t know until I landed from my second flight and was picked up that she had passed away during my second flight.

The ride to the hospital late that night was the longest car ride ever. I cried. I was sad. I was angry. Angry at myself as I was the only child not there in time. But glad she was no longer in pain. Her last few months were painful and miserable. Difficulty breathing; barely able to walk, she pushed through and kept her spirits high. She was finally able to rest.

My sisters and I spent time reminiscing about our mom. She was a beautiful woman that weathered through a hard life. She could be extremely difficult to deal with and drove us all crazy, but what mother doesn’t? She never met a stranger and I honestly believed she missed her calling – she was a Chef, but I think she would have taken more pleasure in creating an animal rescue. She loved animals!

Memories are so important. They certainly can lift you out of a dark day. It’s funny, I was thinking about something that my daughter did the other day that seemed so much like me at her age, I picked up my cell and dialed my mom’s number.

Disconnect.

Instead, I sat down with my daughter and shared the story with her. Time to create new memories.

I knew that it was inevitable, but I really did think…

If you’ve read off and on here on my blog then you know that I’m in the middle of looking for a job. A career change, actually. In September 2010 the company I currently work for, Waggin’ Train was purchased by Nestle Purina PetCare… and the transition began.

I really did think that after my last chat on the topic, a position would open up for me to move into, or interview for and everything would be OK. Well, here I am, the day before Thanksgiving, and the search still continues.

Freaking job… your timing sucks!

That empty, bottom of the pit feeling I had a while ago… well, it has sunk as low as it can, and feels worse everyday. Looking for a job during the Holidays is horrible. And stressful.

Being so close to the final date, with no job waiting for me January 1st, we’re pulling all of our resources, which are basically non-existent, as a ‘just in case’.

We also had the talk with our kids. Not that talk (already done), but the talk to be truthful with our two kids about the road bump ahead of us. We explained that this Christmas would definitely not be like past Christmases. And, we explained that some of the activities they are apart of might have to cease for awhile.

They understand. Our fingers are crossed! Positive thoughts on the job front.

So, here is to celebrating a new job on New Year’s Eve and a wonderful 2012!

Life keeps going even if everything around it changes. I’m sure over the next few months there will be a ton of changes going on. The biggest one – a job search. Really? So close to the end of the year? Holidays?

Frustration.

When the company I work for was purchased in September 2010, I was told it would be work as usual. My understanding — we would still be handling the company brand – keep the wheels turning, so to speak. Well, then in August there was that letter. It sealed the deal for me, I realized then that I would most likely be without a job soon.

Finally I got tired of not really knowing and being in the dark on a few things, so I opened my mouth and asked. And what I expected, was the answer… no position to go to, transition your current position over, last day December 31st.

You know that sinking feeling you get in the pit of your stomach? Yep, me!

So many things are rattling through my head — family, bills, Holidays, already so much family loss… this is the sour icing on top of an already tart cake. Mentally, with everything that has been going on this year, I’m just not in a place to begin a job search, again.

But, here I go.

Just when I begin to tread again, the deep end begins to pull me under. But, I never shy away from a challenge!

Now, into the wild!